February 28
Building Community
In the gospel Jesus
said: “How often have I longed to gather your children together, as a hen
gather’s her chicks under her wings.” Luke
13:34
The Lord’s desire is that His people be
gathered together, and thus under his protection. And so the Holy Spirit has called us and
gathered us together here in this community of faith.
“Christ
makes us one body and individuals who
are connected to each other.” Rom. 12:5 (GW)
How do we stay connected?
That’s what we’re talking about in this
Lenten series, 40 Days of Community – Deepening the bond of love in our church
family and reaching out in love to those around us. We’re doing this because we’re better
together. We need other believers to walk with us and work with us, weep with
us and wait with us – to be our safety net in our walk with the Lord.
But community – fellowship – does not
cone naturally. What comes naturally is
to put myself first – to think of me before you.
You can develop a
healthy, robust community that lives right with God – and enjoy its results
only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating
each other with dignity and honor. James 3:18 Msg
We’re wired for relationships. We’re made to go through life together. But community - relationships -require work
at getting along with each other.
Here’s the problem. It’s easy to get disconnected in
relationships. It’s very easy to get
disconnected from your children, from your parents, from your brothers and
sisters, your friends. It’s easy to get
disconnected from your church.
Today, we’re going to look at what causes
that – why do we get disconnected?. Why
do relationships sometimes fall apart?
And what can we do about it? How
can we deepen our relationships?
“What causes fights
and quarrels? Don’t they come from your desires
that battle within you? You want
something but you don’t get it.” James 4:1-2 (NIV)
Everything starts because of our
self-centeredness.
It’s very easy for selfishness to creep
into relationships. When you start at a
relationship you work real hard at being unselfish. But then as time goes on selfishness begins
to creep in.
For example, the four stages of a married
cold.
The
first year: “Baby, darling! I'm worried
about that sniffle. I’ve arranged for
the doctor to make a house call. Let me
tuck you in bed.” That’s the first year.
Second
year of the marriage: “You look like you’ve got a fever. Why don't you drive yourself over to the
Walgreens, get some medicine. I’ll watch
the kids.” Very magnanimous.
Third
year: “You’re coughing again.! After
you’ve fed and bathed the kids and washed the dishes, you really ought to go to
bed.”
Fourth
year: “For Pete’s sake! Do you have to
cough so loud? I can’t hear the TV. Would you mind going in the other room while
this show is on? ”
We
just stop making the effort and it’s easy to slide into selfishness. It happens to all of us. When I want what I
want, and you want what you want, it causes conflict, and a lot of other
stuff. Self-centeredness can’t build
relationships.
“The person who
plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others – and ignoring God – harvests
a crop of weeds. But the one who plants in
response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him,
harvests a crop of real life, and eternal life.” Gal.
6:8 (Mes)
You reap what you sow –
you get what you give. Plant criticism and folks will be critical of you. Plant affirmation and people will affirm you.
If
selfishness destroys relationships then it is selflessness that builds
them. Selfless - Being unselfish. It
means I think a little bit less of myself and I think little bit more of
you. That is being selfless. I'm not the whole center of the
universe. I'm thinking about other
people.
Selflessness brings out the best in
others. It builds relationships. In fact, if you start acting selfless in a
relationship it forces the other person to change because you’re not the same
person any more, and they have to relate to you in different way. So selflessness not only transforms the
relationship it also transforms that person.
Speaking of relationships, a woman was
asked if she had yet made the long trip to visit her son and his new wife. She replied, “No, I waiting till they have
their first baby.” Her friend thought
the delay was to save money, but she explained, “No, it isn’t that. I have a theory that grandmothers are more
welcome than mothers-in-laws.”
Listen
to these five things that St. Peter says build relationships: “Live in
harmony, be sympathetic, love each other, have compassion, be humble.”
1 Peter 3:8
Notice
the first one particularly – Live in harmony.
That’s what God wants in a relationship.
He doesn’t want “unison” where we’re all the same. He wants the harmony of us all being
different. Why be in a relationship if
you aren’t different from the other person?
Harmony
and humility go together. You have to
have them together. It’s the harmony
that creates beauty in music – different players, different instruments,
different notes. The goal of each
musician is not to play louder than others – or to finish the piece first. Their goal is to be united in thought and
purpose to produce heavenly music together.
We want to live in harmony and be
sympathetic and love each other. For example, be understanding, not demanding;
be considerate of one an other’s feelings - maybe they’re having a bad day.
We want to have compassion and be humble.
“ …Be humble
and give more honor to others than to yourselves… your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though He was God, He did not demand and
cling to His rights as God.” Phil. 2:3, 5-6 (NCV/NLT)
How
are you and I going to grow in humility?
How does that happen in our lives?
It happens by letting Jesus Christ begin to control our thoughts and
hearts and attitudes and reactions. That takes the focus off of you and it puts
the focus on others.
We are being humble and giving more honor
to others when we work at being:
Tactful, not just truthful; ask if your
words will build up or tear down.
Polite, not rude; when others are rude to
you, don’t respond with rudeness.
Gentle and not judgmental; even when we
disagree, we should still be courteous and respectful.
We are going to have differences in
opinion. But they don’t have to cause division.
Ursala Burns, the CEO at Xerox, describes their corporate culture as
“terminal niceness - We are really, really nice.” Then she adds, “I want us to stay civil and
kind, but we have to be frank and the reason we can be frank is because we are
all in the same family.”
She has established an atmosphere where
there can be constructive disagreement, while respecting each other – which is
necessary for change and progress.
“Look after each other… Watch out that no bitterness takes
root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting
many in their spiritual lives.” Heb. 12:15 (LB)
We all make
mistakes. Because we’re all imperfect
you’re going to hurt other people and other people are going to hurt you –
intentionally or unintentionally. So
you’re going to be hurt. What do you do with that hurt? Get
angry? Resentful?
Anger
is not always wrong. Resentment is always wrong. There is a right kind of anger and a wrong
kind of anger. When I see injustice in
the world I better get angry. Sometimes
anger is a result of love. If I hurt
your kids you get angry. That’s a
legitimate anger. But the Bible says “Be
angry and sin not.” In other words
there’s way to get angry and not sin. But resentment is always wrong. What’s
the antidote? The antidote to resentment
is forgiveness. Forgiveness builds
relationships just like resentment tears it down.
“You must make
allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends
you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so
you must forgive others.” Col. 3:13 (NLT)
Why should I forgive
other people? First, resentment doesn’t
work. It only makes you miserable. So
you forgive for your own benefit. Second, you have been forgiven by God. And third, you’re going to need more
forgiveness in the future so you better offer it to others. We pray the Lord’s prayer,
“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who’ve sinned against us.”
Jesus said: “How
often have I longed to gather your children together, as a hen gather’s her
chicks under her wings.”
The Lord wants us to be
gathered in community so we can learn and serve together, and thus grow by
practicing our faith. But the Bible
teaches that we have to do the hard work of getting along with each other. Harmony requires humility – thus, beginning
to have the attitude of Christ by being unselfish, and giving more honor to
others.
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